Tears of pain

I have just come through fighting the last two months to get my children healthy.  My four youngest children all had pneumonia one right after the other.  Me being Mom- I guess was the one to do all the work caring for them while all the other adults got their sleep and kept their distance.. They are all thankfully getting better - today we find out if the last child sick has clear lunges or not.
How this affected me - while I am in constant pain everyday of my life some days are much harder than others and lately this past week to be exact my body is in an extremely bad place.  I hurt so much - I have distanced myself from my family keeping to my own space so I don't get grumpy with anyone due to pure exhaustion.  Last night was tough.
  I found a great website www.webmd.com that showed videos of people living with lupus and  how it affects not only you but the people around you.  I know that your family and friends feel helpless and frustrated - knowing this doesn't make me feel any better.  I wish there were a way to describe the pain and frustration where they just get it. Unfortunately I think no one will get it unless they really want to get it.  watching these videos made me cry - because I heard others who feel exactly the way I feel and watched their loved ones explain how they feel as well.  There was an up side to all of this it could also be taken as a down side.  I choose the up for today - There are people out there living with my  kind of pain that have been enduring it for over 20 years now.  That gives me hope that I too will find the oomph to push through and get to a place of "ok" so I can have the dream of having a much bigger houseful of children and grandchildren to watch grow and love for a long time to come.
But, last night - Oh My God- last night there was no part of my body that didn't scream out to me - I layed in bed in agony - I never slept, just tried to rest, this morning I am ok - for the moment.  It took me two hours to get dressed and that was without a shower.  For those of you who don't know - showers are no longer wonderful feeling instead it hurts to hold my arms up over my head to wash my hair- it is a burden and the cold I feel afterward takes me a while to warm up.  Curling and blow drying hair is also a major job  - putting on mascara all of this has to be done at a relaxing speed - a little at a time.  It is interesting to be experiencing this - for who didn't take a shower for granted - we all look forward to it relaxing us - waking us up - a nice start or finish to the day - Not anymore.
I called my Dad last night - I said Dad I need to find strength again - because right now I am weak - I have a feeling caring for my children took a toll on me - I was running on adrenaline to be there for them and now I have crashed.
I want to find peace within myself. Accept that I have many diseases that are not curable learn to be OK with that.  I am hoping I have others in the same boat that will join my post and together we can find humor, and strength through this process and maybe even be okay sharing a tear when we need to.
Here's to finding support~ Please tell me your out there